I don’t like to write negative things. I tend to be very positive. However, I have to walk my talk here and be honest.
You disappoint me.
I’ve had some of you write me basically asking for a reading free of charge. Question: How does that honor me and this work?
Also, my mom passed away in June this year, not even three months ago. Another question: Why are you so impatient with me in getting back to you with emails? Chill out.
I’m also disappointed when you ask for patience and understanding and folks do not provide it to me as a business owner or a human being. I send out my email newsletter monthly to stay in touch. At times, there are links and helpful things, but lately, I’ve been a bit tired due to grief and other life stuff. I politely asked in a recent email newsletter if you wouldn’t mark my email as junk. Well, one of you thought it was rather cute to mark it as junk. Question: Did you enjoy that? I sure hope it was worth it.
To be honest, I don’t have a ton of bandwidth any more to write here on this blog. I don’t turn down clients, however.
The thing is, it’s not my job to be your endless source of inspiration on this blog or on social media. I will write or share when I feel like it. I keep this blog and website mostly up for a source of information, to be of service.
One last question: What are you doing lately to be of service?
I like to learn and grow. I enjoy stretching my mind. I love to read books. I enjoy conversation on-line and in-person with a variety of people. There’s something about ideas, thinking, conversing, and learning that really turn me on, for sure.
I’ve been in metaphysical or spiritual circles for many years now. I know that I might come across as young-ish due to my image here on my website. The thing is that I’m in my late 30’s. I have been consciously working towards my healing and evolution for almost 20 years. I have been doing it in many lifetimes too, I’m sure.
I’ll bet you relate. You’ve been working on yourself for a long time. You’re most likely very educated, smart, well-read–or use your own term to describe it.
I consider myself to be a pretty tolerant and open-minded person. However, I’m all about being human, admitting to my short-comings. I’m not very tolerant or accepting of one sort of behavior. I don’t do well when someone tries to tell me how to think or feel. And, if someone says that their way, belief, or opinion is the only right way, well, I get a bit pissed off.
I honor this inside of me as a trait that just helps me to see the areas I need to work on myself. I always can learn more compassion, empathy, patience, love, and acceptance towards others. It’s part of why I’m here on the planet. This is the true classroom, planet Earth. Our souls decided to come here to learn. It’s not always easy or for the faint of heart, but it’s necessary for our soul’s growth.
Another area popped up recently into my consciousness that annoys me. I think it always has annoyed me, to be honest. I get a bit rubbed the wrong way when someone claiming to be spiritual comes around to try to school me. Well-meaning people sometimes come around in my life to show me the error of my ways or thinking. They see themselves as wise souls who want to teach me better so I’ll get it. How nice and loving of them–NOT!
Part of me sees the kind, loving intentions behind their actions. I can even handle hearing, “Oh, honey, you attracted this.” (Of course, there are other universal laws than just the Law of Attraction, but that is a post for another day.) I smile and nod. I will thank the person if they are a friend who I love and we have an agreement to keep each other accountable. But, when it’s someone that I don’t know or love, I get a bit annoyed ’cause again, I’m human.
There’s another part of me that feels some of these “spiritual” people who are trying to school me as evangelical. I was damaged by traditional religion growing up, so I feel a bit sensitive to these sorts of energies. I can feel it when people are preachy. In my eyes, they are just thumping a replacement book or philosophy, instead of the bible or other religious book. I don’t need to hear about how I attract what I am (no sh*t!). I don’t need to hear about how a plant-based diet is better for me (well, duh!). I don’t need to hear about how it’s better to being loving and compassion (again, no sh*t!). I think you catch my drift.
If you really want to school someone in a positive way, just shine as a beacon of hope. Do some volunteer work that makes the world a better place. I’ll see your light and example and be inspired. I might even take similar action. Actions speak louder than words or ideas. The rubber has to hit the road.
So, don’t school me, please. I am on a similar journey of learning as you. But, my journey is not the same. I might not have asked you to be my personal teacher, although I see everyone as teachers and students for each other. Honor my boundaries. Ask me before you try to teach me. Or, use your own life as an example. Talk about your own lessons and that might inspire me. But, please, realize that my lessons are different than yours. I’m a different soul. I’m a different person. I elected to do life differently than you. If you understand this about me, then, we can talk. If not, I’m not interested in you. This sounds harsh, I know, but this is who I am and what I’m about.
Have you ever felt schooled by someone claiming to be “spiritual”? How do you handle this sort of thing? What lessons have you learned along the way about this? I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas on this. Feel free to comment here.
I’ve done some thinking about this topic as of late. I have found an area of life in which I’m just not tolerant–at all. I find myself very intolerant of men who are sexist, objectifying women for their own use. (I do have some compassion for others engaging in these beliefs and behaviors since they are learning as a human, but not a whole lot, to be completely honest.)
I envision a world in which we are tolerant of each other. My world belief is that real men respect women. Sexism is so yesterday. In my own life, both personal and professional, I refuse to associate with anyone who is sexist, racist, or otherwise hateful. This is negative energy and I refuse to allow it into my life. This is my personal boundary.
I know that I’m soap-boxing–oh well. If any of this offends you, wake up. The world doesn’t need any more hate in it. I tend to focus on the loving aspects of life. I guess by noticing these unloving energies, I’m giving them some energy. So, I’m going to stop talking about it.
I was playing on YouTube the other day, listening to some old and new songs. As a musician, I love it when modern groups remake the old songs (if they are good). Although not classified as punk, I loved Avenged Sevenfold’s remake of Pantera’s song, “Walk”:
I used to sometimes be a push-over. I’d let people walk all over me. I grew up with the idea that I should be a “nice girl.” Thankfully, my musical path helped me to break out of this mold. I believe in clinical psychology, they would have labeled me a people pleaser. For a while, I was pretty angry, so I would fuel my anger by finding more examples of annoying people. Later in life, I found the middle ground with things (I’m still working on it too.)
The thing is that people are responsible for their own happiness in life. It’s not your job to make others happy. It’s their job to attain their own fulfillment in life.
From time to time, I’m reminded of this lesson when I encounter someone who tries to make demands from me. In the past, I used to get pissed off at the demanding person. Later, I would become mad at myself for getting pissed off. This is not very fun.
As of late, I have been working to apply the concept of emptiness from Buddhism to these sort of situations. (I’m a do-it-yourself spirituality type of gal, so I borrow from many traditions.) With situations with demanding people, it’s just my perception of them as demanding. They are just people like you or me. Until I assign a meaning to something or in this case, someone, it (or they) are empty. Emptiness is similar to the idea of neutrality.
When I’m able to get into a more neutral perspective, people, even the demanding ones have less charge for me. I seem to attract less and less demanding or otherwise annoying people. I feel very punk rock by choosing not to do the obvious thing (getting angry) when it comes to dealing with annoying people. Lots of people might become reactive in these situations. I don’t desire to be like the average person.
I’ve also found that healthy doses of self-respect go a long way in attracting respectful people into my life. The most respectful thing I’ve ever done is created boundaries for myself. I only allow loving people into my circle. I also do not allow others to take and take from me. I love giving, but it has to be balanced, meaning I still need to take care of myself in ways that feel good to me.
I have my own personal boundaries for sure. I highly recommend doing this with intentions. You can draw a circle on a piece of paper, writing in the things or people you’ll allow into your life. On the outside of the circle, write down those things or people you won’t allow. Look at this drawing every morning before you start your day. Soon, you’ll notice that you don’t attract the negative people as much. This drawing reminds me of the spiritual teachings about power animals. This would be the Armadillo energies. It’s not like you are putting on armor to shut people out. It’s different–you’re keeping your boundaries so that others will respect you and your needs.
(photo credit: Alex Popovkin, Bahia, Brazil, Flickr, Creative Commons License)
I admit that I’m a work in progress with my dealings with people sometimes. I’m still human and prone to my moments of mild anger. I’m not about holding in the anger. I’m just saying that I don’t like to take my anger out on anyone else, projecting my crap onto them. I’m working to be responsible in my life. Also, I really work to honor others’ boundaries too, even the unspoken ones. If you’re in the place of respecting yourself, you will notice the unspoken boundaries of others.
It’s all a process of learning. It does not necessarily happen overnight. Each day, I learn something new–I’m sure you will too. Setting boundaries is not difficult, but sometimes, verbalizing them in a loving way that honors you and the other person can be a challenge. You’ll find what works best for you.