Lately, I’m learning so much about acceptance and surrender. The past two years have been the most challenging of my life so far. Things have become better the past 3-4 months. It felt like I was coming out of the dark night of the soul…again. (I think I have dark night of the soul frequent flier miles or something!).
All was going well until about a little over a month ago. More stuff came up for me to process. Then, as I was feeling in a better place about that personal stuff, my mom needed to have surgery. It felt like someone cracked open my heart, taking it out of my chest for me to see.
Suddenly, self-care has become a necessity not a luxury. I’ve continued to work hard, but with rest breaks. I have taken some naps, meditated, done yoga, along with my usual healthy diet and exercise routine. I’ve cried and let others support me. I’ve written in my journal. I think I’ve prayed to just about every divine helper.
I’ve had to let go at times. I’m a Capricorn woman with Virgo rising and a Libra moon in my first house. I don’t know what it’s like to let go. I have mostly fire and air in my chart, so it’s all about the action, baby! I suck at letting go! (I do enjoy a good Savasana at the end of yoga class though, so I’m getting a wee bit better at it.)
So, I’m a work in progress. I have to admit that I want to scream and/or puke when people say, “Just let go.” Yeah, right…I’ll get on it.
It’s not that easy. It’s more like a process. I think you let go, and then, let go a tiny bit more until you’ve thrown the whole damn thing out the window. It’s unrealistic to think it can happen overnight. Maybe for some? I guess I’m still human, so I can’t let go in an instant. I’ve not mastered the art of letting go–just look at my basement. I have kept some old stuff because of attachments to the past. This is just one example.
Lately, I have been guided to do things differently. I’m spending less time on social media and more time with my writing, guitar playing, yoga, meditation, knitting, and in-person friendships. Hubby and I find we spend less time watching television and more time tuning into each other. I’ve been reading more books. Life is good. I’m learning to appreciate the little things and small joys. I’m working on being grateful and content where I am right now in life.
When you are going through the dark night of the soul, I’ve found that you can’t rush your emergence. It is like anything else in nature. Everything and everyone has their own incubation periods.
It’s not like I’m saying that you have to dwell in your mess. I mean, you made it, so you will clean it up–in your own time. But, let go of the idea that things will be back to normal in a certain time frame. You know that saying that you can’t go home again? Well, it’s so true. You won’t be the same person anyway. Plus, change is all there is! So, when you emerge, you might even feel like a newborn baby. You might even need to scream, cry, or kick (or all of the above) with full gusto.
I’m a very private person, so I’m not sharing the specifics of my stuff here. I am putting the very personal things in the book that I’m writing. (Yes, you’ll have to pay to get the goods! Ha ha ha!). I’m not rushing the process of writing though. I’m just writing when I feel guided and when I’m able to process.
To be able to be with yourself and be so honest and raw, it is not for the faint of heart–but, you can do it. If I can do it, anyone can.
What is surrender for you? What does it look like? How do you do it? Have you ever had a dark night of the soul? What did you learn? What advice do you have for others going through similar?
Blessings and light,
© 2010 by Lisa, the Punk Rock Psychic™, http://punkrockpsychic.com