(There is always a light somewhere! Photo credit: author's personal collection)
Lately, I’m learning so much about acceptance and surrender. The past two years have been the most challenging of my life so far. Things have become better the past 3-4 months. It felt like I was coming out of the dark night of the soul…again. (I think I have dark night of the soul frequent flier miles or something!).
All was going well until about a little over a month ago. More stuff came up for me to process. Then, as I was feeling in a better place about that personal stuff, my mom needed to have surgery. It felt like someone cracked open my heart, taking it out of my chest for me to see.
Suddenly, self-care has become a necessity not a luxury. I’ve continued to work hard, but with rest breaks. I have taken some naps, meditated, done yoga, along with my usual healthy diet and exercise routine. I’ve cried and let others support me. I’ve written in my journal. I think I’ve prayed to just about every divine helper.
I’ve had to let go at times. I’m a Capricorn woman with Virgo rising and a Libra moon in my first house. I don’t know what it’s like to let go. I have mostly fire and air in my chart, so it’s all about the action, baby! I suck at letting go! (I do enjoy a good Savasana at the end of yoga class though, so I’m getting a wee bit better at it.)
So, I’m a work in progress. I have to admit that I want to scream and/or puke when people say, “Just let go.” Yeah, right…I’ll get on it.
It’s not that easy. It’s more like a process. I think you let go, and then, let go a tiny bit more until you’ve thrown the whole damn thing out the window. It’s unrealistic to think it can happen overnight. Maybe for some? I guess I’m still human, so I can’t let go in an instant. I’ve not mastered the art of letting go–just look at my basement. I have kept some old stuff because of attachments to the past. This is just one example.
Lately, I have been guided to do things differently. I’m spending less time on social media and more time with my writing, guitar playing, yoga, meditation, knitting, and in-person friendships. Hubby and I find we spend less time watching television and more time tuning into each other. I’ve been reading more books. Life is good. I’m learning to appreciate the little things and small joys. I’m working on being grateful and content where I am right now in life.
When you are going through the dark night of the soul, I’ve found that you can’t rush your emergence. It is like anything else in nature. Everything and everyone has their own incubation periods.
It’s not like I’m saying that you have to dwell in your mess. I mean, you made it, so you will clean it up–in your own time. But, let go of the idea that things will be back to normal in a certain time frame. You know that saying that you can’t go home again? Well, it’s so true. You won’t be the same person anyway. Plus, change is all there is! So, when you emerge, you might even feel like a newborn baby. You might even need to scream, cry, or kick (or all of the above) with full gusto.
I’m a very private person, so I’m not sharing the specifics of my stuff here. I am putting the very personal things in the book that I’m writing. (Yes, you’ll have to pay to get the goods! Ha ha ha!). I’m not rushing the process of writing though. I’m just writing when I feel guided and when I’m able to process.
To be able to be with yourself and be so honest and raw, it is not for the faint of heart–but, you can do it. If I can do it, anyone can.
What is surrender for you? What does it look like? How do you do it? Have you ever had a dark night of the soul? What did you learn? What advice do you have for others going through similar?
Blessings and light,
© 2010 by Lisa, the Punk Rock Psychic™, http://punkrockpsychic.com
Many wise spiritual teachers, scientists, and other revolutionaries have talked about how change is the only constant in life. Change is the only thing that you can really count on in life. Living life as a human on planet earth (Earth School) is not for the faint of heart. You have your own changes and others’ changes to deal with–it’s not easy. Often, it’s how you handle change that determines your level of happiness.
I’m a big advocate of just loving who you are right now. The divine doesn’t make junk. You’re awesome. You’re meant to be on the planet living a wonderful life with purpose, love, success, and most importantly happiness. Some spiritual teachers say that we’re divinely perfect. On the human level, it may not feel like you are perfect. So, chances are, if you are alive and breathing, you’ve worked on making positive life changes.
So…how did it go? Did you really change? Did the changes stick? Are you happier?
Did it really work?
If not, who cares? You have time to get things right in your life. Only you know what is right for you. Only your own definition of happiness is right for you.
Sometimes, people think that transformation turns out all pretty. I’m sure you’ve heard of the nauseating butterfly analogies.
(photo by Vicki's Nature, Flickr, Creative Commons License)
You will cocoon yourself from the outside world and then, once spring comes, you’ll emerge as this pretty butterfly.
Did you know that the caterpillar totally turns into liquid while in that cocoon?
Did you know that if someone tries to rush the process of the butterfly kicking its way out that the butterfly won’t survive?
Just some food for thought for you.
It’s not all pretty. Life is that way. So is enacting changes or working on your transformation. It usually requires a step-by-step process. Just ask anyone who has tried to quit smoking. You can’t quit overnight. You have to wean yourself off. If health is your goal, then, great–most likely, you’ll be a success in quitting. If it’s to please someone else, you might be more likely to fail. You’re not invested in your outcome personally. You have to do it for you, no one else.
Sometimes, you desire to make quick changes. Have you ever done that before? You reach a certain point and you can’t take it any more. So, you decide to tear the whole damn thing down. You light it up and start over. I’ve done this with articles or books I was writing. I’ve burned bridges with employers, friends, and even family at times. It felt right in the moment. It may not have resulted in the best outcomes for me, but hey, I’m human. I’m learning. I learned things for sure, in hindsight.
I think of the legend of the phoenix, the mythic bird who burns up and rises from the ashes even stronger than before. I resonate highly with this legend. Actually, I think it’s a perfect metaphor for the level of change sometimes required in life, especially during these times of massive changes on the planet.
(photo by sally monster, Flickr, Creative Commons License)
Sometimes, you desire quick change. So, you decide one morning to quit your job–without notice. Or, you have taken enough of your living situation, so you just move out. Or, maybe you donate all of your clothes because they don’t appeal to you any longer. I’ve known people to just get up one morning and move to their favorite place.
Change can be gradual or sudden. There is no best way. It’s up to you. You have to do what feels right in the moment. There are really no mistakes. There are just lessons. So, let go of the guilt or self-blame. Let it all go.
Are you a butterfly or a phoenix? Which symbol for change or transformation resonates with you? (Feel free to comment here.)
Chances are, y0u’ve turned around some major challenges in your life. You’ve learned so much from moving past obstacles and other hardships. Honor yourself for how far you’ve come. Your path is right for you and no one else has walked it. No one else has walked in your shoes.
The thing is that change doesn’t have to involve the hard lessons. Major religions and other spiritual traditions sometimes have taught that lessons have to be learned the hard way. I can’t imagine that the divine would desire for you or me to suffer. Why not learn life’s lessons through enjoyment, fun, laughter, and love? I decided to rebel against the old notions of having to walk through fire to grow as a person or to grow spiritually. I’m done with that.
Here’s to change in ways that feel right for you. Here’s to transformation that is fun and easy.
Blessings on your path,
© 2010 by Lisa, the Punk Rock Psychic™